Time keeper.

Today, I feel normal.
But at the same time, I don't want to attend my niece birthday bash at zenith hotel ballroom.
I'm not a person would attend a expensive function or event.
I'm super tired.

Realized I drop a lot of hairs now a days.
Besides that, I don't feel right about myself.
All I want to do is eat and sleep.
I wanted to suicide.
But doesn't make me feel better.
Tried to hurt myself.
But I don't feel the happiness.
I don't feel the right thing.
I can't cry anymore.
I can't bare to leave the house.
Low esteem.

Don't see my future.
Don't see my path.
What am I suppose to do?
I'm not in d mood to study.
I don't have the force to push me to study.
Maybe I really give up myself.

And holiday, I'm not interested at all.
Time is ticking.
And what I do is sleep.
I just feel super tired.
I sleep earlier, but woke up in d morning.
I still feel tired.
It's like I didn't get my sleep at all.
What's wrong with me?

Dad asked me about how my study going on.
All I answered was ok only.
Lying to him.
All he wants me to go into university.
But I don't know whether what I want.

I really don't feel like myself at all.
I want to go on drugs, marijuana, smoke, or maybe drinking.
But I still know I'm rational.
Heart beating fast.
Something is not right.

Do I really want to be dentistry or just my dad wants me to get a professional job?
Am I going to be a successful person or just a failure?
Working in an aircon room or sweeping d floor outside just like MPK?
I don't know what my future will be.
I don't know what I want, what I wanna be, what I wanna do.

Looking at d books on d table.
I couldn't even look at it.
It's very stressing me up.
I'm totally regretted to go form 6.
I wish this time period would just erase from my memory forever.

Not to talk about studies.
Never what I want.
Everytime mom asked whether form 6 is a fun period..
Mom always said it's not that difficult.
You would have fun and study is just easy as ABC.
Seriously?
I really don't like talking to them about school life.
Because it makes me feel like they forcing me into this situation.
If really I would kill myself, I will.

Sorry.
I'm really tired.
Look at others.
Bao Shian etc fighting for their exam.
Wish to get into a good university.
See Yong wish to study Chinese medication.
Can I just give him d money to study?
He would be a better person than I do.

Mentally physically tired.
End this.