Saturday, December 7, 2013

I'm not me anymore

for quite a long time since the last time i blogged.
suddenly at this 4.17am in the morning i feel like blogging something.

gone through 1 year of uni and of course in between it many stuff happened.
i just want to clarify that what's wrong with me
because everyone, close friends trying to tell me that i'm different
yes, i couldn't agree more.
i'm different

people using you for some reason, you use other for some reason..
realised the dark side of the society and life as i grow.
backstabbing each other but try to play nice in front of them.
too fake
i understood what my dad trying to tell me all along
u can't believe anyone outside
u must believe yourselves
as i remembered what he told me, i try to stay strong all along.
try to keep out of dramas

yes, i think i did it.
but when you isolate yourselves with others, you get 1 thing that is kept yourselves in your own world
whereby you do thing according your way, u couldn't agree others
you must be very systematic, 1 is 1
but you still have the patience to tolerate with others
especially somebody that you loved and love

'i think you become more patient' she said
i laughed and say 'maybe'
you would like to help them in no matter what situation
trying to give them the best you could
but...
i don't want hurt them as well

i just don't like to do something i don't like although at last i will still do it for you
sacrifice my own way to please you because i care about you
when there's a limit for it, i wouldn't even bother to talk to you anymore
sorry, i really don't want to do thing that i don't want to do

why don't you just understand that people will become tired one day helping you
when you don't even want to help yourselves
i don't want to hurt you
but i really think you should do everything yourselves because i don't want to help you anymore
i don't want to do it anymore

seriously i don't like you playing dota
i don't like you keep stuff on the table without washing it
i don't like you play football
i don't like you always walk out the room just to find your buddy
i can't bare and stand of your dirty clothes lying all over the floor
i'm tired of telling you each every day
why don't u just change

u always tell me that u gonna change
u try to change
trying is not enough for me you know
you should be saying 'i must change'
i starting to feel weird beside you and starting to feel uncomfortable
i don't know whats that, maybe could be your words and your actions make me feel uncomfortable

my brain now like tons of stuff thrown inside it right now
i'm not tired of you is just tired of myself saying and repeating the same thing over and over again
i feel lifeless and i wouldn't do lifeless thing in my life
i want to have a meaningful life

i just... don't want to repeat myself anymore.
sorry
i'm not me anymore.