Wednesday, October 10, 2012

complicated

very complicated feeling i had here.
it's not really what i wish for.
but somehow, mentioning about it causing lots of problems.
problems and questions that cannot be answered.

what should i do?
very confusing.
i shouldn't choose this at first?
am i at the correct direction for searching for my answer?
maybe or maybe not.

i'm sorry that i said something wrong in the past or in the future.
verbalized words that hurts.
i wish would turn back time.
everything start over again.
back to where it stared at first and i would change my future.

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

anger

anger rising all over again.
it's what people usually think about my choice coming over here.
it's not like that i choose to come.
i've no choice.
why people don't understand?

wanted to go australia but my dad thinks it's not worth it.
so he asked me to come here.
cause problems and conflicts between family and friends.
especially my aunties.
i appreciated their help in finding school and giving me extra choice.
i would like to choose it but don't tell me about it.
you should directly tell my dad about it.
but they don't.

after coming here, i thought time would make it less worst.
no, it don't.
aunties start to blaming my mom about it.
it's not like my mom did the decision for me.
dad asked me, it is that i confirmed to come here with my own decision?
i answered, yeah, this is what i want.
others don't understand that i don't have a choice.
do i given a choice to choose?
that's my only last choice if i want continue persue dream as a dentist.

just now, my cousin greet me with hi indian lady.
i was so pissed off with it.
i scolded him back that ask him to get his information right before scolding people indian lady.
what's wrong with going india, indonesia?!
just it's a rural area compare australia and UK.
cannot say that i'd fun here, but at least my first step to be a dentist.

just people don't get over it.
just got pissed off that's all.

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

unspoken

the unspoken.
few weeks from home.
no matter how long i'd already get use to it but still missing them all the time.
i miss the time when we always snatch for a tv at home for the favourite show and dinner every weekends.
this is what i miss the most.

since i've been away from home, home sweet home - finally understand the feeling about it.
miss the freedom back home that i can go out any time, any where with friends.
even for a short tea time, it's the most fun time ever.
and new friends over here..
not what i expected.

somehow, believe yourselves is the most important living priority.
no matter how close you're, you still have to take extra precaution.
something, somehow happened.
ignorance although always is the best but takes time to digest the problems.
silence.
just something i used to do over here.
don't want to cause any problems over.
although i didn't do anything about it, still rumours.

just feel super stress lately and i don't know what's wrong with me.
maybe exam near the corner?
and most important is my white collar formal t shirt haven't even buy for this coming thursday exam.
thursday exam start with buddhism.

talked to my friends lately and they told me to stay strong and just be who you are.
i don't know whether i can stay strong and mature for myself.
although i have my own mind set but at the same time, i need guidance.
nobody to talk to when feel super down midnight.
back hometown, i can call anyone in the middle of the night just to talk about my problems.
but somehow, things change.

doubt that whether this is the correct path for me but i came.
so just continue the path that i've been destined.
somehow it's tough to live in a brand new world with brand new people, just i've to go on.
safety zone is always be myself.