原来

原来所做的一切一切都是空白
回到了原点
虽然说是我的决定，但是到最后都由不得我决定
累了
也算了
这时他把我的人生画上了句点
我还是必须走下去

update for something else.

today is a pre-wedding of my cousin.
at first, she was okay..
as you all some know, SOME.
i hate most of my cousins.
basically i hate all of them because it's not a very good relationship between them.
as i mentioned earlier, she was okay.
but now she's bitchy.

she should give some respect to my mom although you're the one getting married tomorrow.
like who even bother?!
my aunt was asking : is olivia coming?
my cousin reply : yeah, she is coming.
aunt : it thought she never attended any wedding?
cousin : but she attend this because of me.
aunt : okay, it's shocking to hear that she's attending.
i was like oh-mm-gee!
but it's somehow true.
i don't attend cousin's wedding because it's shitty and i don't have anyone to talk to.
and cousin's wedding mostly are full with strangers.
i'm not good with strangers.
strangers is dangerous.

people - my cousins.
i hate you all.
u can disappear in my life and i don't even care about your life.
but be respectful with your elders.
especially my mom.
i will make u worst one day.
i wouldn't even bother to attend any of you'll wedding.

my aunt was scolding me when i didn't attend the last one.
she said : she is your cousin.. your only cousin.. why u don't pay respect by going her wedding?
i said : because i don't feel well.
( but i'm feel just alright )
she said : really? if u don't attend her wedding, don't expect her to attend yours.
i said : i never plan to call her to attend my wedding. i wouldn't even bother to call her to tell her that i'm getting married pfft !
she said : how dare u talk like this?
i said : i'm just telling u what i really feel and i really never plan to have some massive chinese wedding like this shitty have to invite strangers around.
she said : it's your life, just be who u want to be.
i said : yeah, it's my life, i decide for myself.
she walks away..

i don't get why people like to avoid my family.. not like we doing any wrong..
just my mom doesn't acts like a rich woman or rich lady..
or she doesn't socialize much.
people nowadays should respect people.
people are rude, especially my cousin's daughters and sons.
no matters at all.
scolding bad words don't mean that u're rude..
giving a cold shoulder or ignoring when people trying to be nice, it's rude.
learn people.

The end of waiting.

13/7/2012 is the day where form sixer of 2011 get to know where are they heading to.
local university result is finally out after a long wait.
some people are satisfied with their result, but some are not satisfied maybe the place or the course that they wanted to take.

everyone called to ask where i got.
but sorry to tell that i don't get even a single local university.
not even sarawak or sabah.
not even a single course offered including music.
so, it really not that dissappointing to me.
just feel like shocked that i don't get even music.

well, fine with me.
i still got my backup plan.
was having dinner with my dad and told him that local university result is out.
and he was like scolding why i can't get a single one.
not even business he asked.
i said i didn't even apply for business.
he said why you don't want apply for business.
i remembered what he told me that, he doesn't want me involve in business.
he wants me to be a professional job.
but sucks to say that i can't.

although i don't know whether can i still continue my dream as a dentist.
but no matter what way that i have to go.
i still will continue until i finish my dentistry course till the end.

i don't know what my dad wants me to do.
i applied for indonesia.
and he wants me to go bandung to study but i can't get the university.
and all i got was medan.
well, i was thinking about going medan as long it something that i wanted so much.

suddenly he asked me to check for australia.
because i have an aunt at there maybe she can sponsor or something?
this haven't really make up any plan.
waiting for her to come back.
and i even told him i wanted to go USA.
he said NO with a great objection because USA is too far.
he doesn't want me to go too far.

but for me, i wanted to go there so much.
it's a very cool place to study and most of all the fees there is much more cheaper compare to australia.
and with many shopping malls xDD
well, he just doesn't want me to leave malaysia too far, he misses me.
well, i really wanted to go US but then..
nevermind then.

last but not least, good luck to people that got their course and place that they desire.
and for those people doesn't like the course or place offered, don't be sad, there's always a way out.
(:

it has been a long time.

it has been a very long time since blogging?
well, now it's a very good time to blog because i'm rotting at home.
so, decided to blog something else.

working from monday - friday.
it's a okay job i guess.
just looking through like millions of money that i never will get.
sigh, but it was alright..
days getting by day by day..
but i have to make one thing clear.

before this, i asked friends that helped out at tzu chi performance.
but i asked like few.
then some of them said sunday they can't help.. well for me it's fine..
at least can help out on saturday..
then suddenly some said they can't go anymore..
okay, fine.
last minute, some said they don't feel like going.
okay, fine.
so i called my aunt to tell her that they can't go, and she get angry on me.
said why my friend not responsible..
why they don't want help out..

i was like.. i don't know how to say at all.
and at last, my aunt doesn't even want me to help out anymore.
i was like.. helpless.
but there's one thing very clear in my head...
somebody asked : you didn't go help meh? why asked me?
i was like.. okay fine.
seriously, i didn't blame you all.
just forget about it.
feel like make things clear about it.

# education.
seriously, when u gone for the wrong path from the beginning, everything have to start over again.
if my dad would throw me in college, i wouldn't be here hanging in the middle struggling.
but there's no if and no turning back time anymore.
now parents arguing, fed up, scolding..
who to blame?
always me for not studying well..
not getting good result..

but do they know, from the beginning i told them i never wanted to go for form 6 at all.
never ever in my life.
told them like hundreds of times.
but still ignored.
now no turning back, not wasting any time.
have to go on to some foundation course..
and now i realised foundation course is easy.

now nobody can help me at all.
forget about it.

# relationship
not about him.
he and i are prefect together.
nothing wrong xD
relationship means between friends.
hmm, well, it was alright i guess, problem is getting far apart..
no matter they are real close, real just a normal friend, or maybe just a stranger friend.
still getting far apart hmmm.
not as close anymore.
maybe everyone busy working i guess.
forget about it.

# life
life was alright.
planning to have a short trip with friends.
maybe nearby..
going to have a trip with him soon :D
but not so soon..
cousins having wedding soon, and sammi is coming back real soon..
and will bought some great stuff for me.
especially vitamin water.. and some pastel jeans.
oh yeah! ^^v
have to go KL for exam real soon ):
i hate going down alone for exam.
well it's compulsory i guess.

end.