shocked.

oh great. today was a lovely day.
i love today.
and i hated today as well because school gonna reopen soon.
today.
i realised.
something.

i always said my parents don't care about me.
but after today.
i accidentally.
saw something.
something took my heart.
they really care about me.
in the past, well..
i'm narrow minded and thought that everyone is living better than me and my dad doesn't give me everything.
well.
i know it now.
now.
is the moment where i realised.
but still i still blame my mom never buy me good clothes when im small because every mom wants their daughter to look pretty in dresses and pants.
but my mom is way different.
she doesn't shop.
she doesn't dress up.
she doesn't make up.
most of all she doesn't cook.
well, that's different.
since small i never had pretty dresses.
okay most of the time my dad who does the shopping.
so whatever he bought is pants and tees.
well that's what dad usually buy right?
they don't buy dresses.
and most of it is blue, black, white or grey.

while writing.
i remember tomorrow is father's day.
i didn't get anything for my dad.
because i dunno what he wants.
i guess he'd everything.
everything.
and thinking to get him a pants that he usually wears : DOCKER'S
well A PANTS COST RM 680.
i can't afford it at all.
so, forgot about it.

and thinking to get him a working bag.
because his using that bag is old.
well again.
walked into the prada shop.
* mouth and eyes wide opened *
the bag cost me RM 8000.
WELL again.
forgot about it.

and last decision is bring him for dinner.
haha.
dinner. is soooo common now a days.
i wanted to do something special and well can't afford any of that.
i asked him : what do u want for father's day?
dad : well nothing. * busying *
me : then u wanna change your working bag?
dad : yes of course. u see how bad it is?
me : well do u want the same brand ( Prada )?
dad : well prada has a good quality. i can use it for 10 years min.
me : okay. well i have no money for that.
dad : u can get me when u start to work.
me : when i start to work, u already stop working.
dad : well there is always not enough money. i still need to work until u all graduate from university and got a good job before i quit my job.
me : well okay as u wish. i hope my job can afford your prada.
dad : no need to think too much now. i never expect anything from you and mei. i just want u all to succeed in your studies and get good grade and stop LAZY.
me : well LAZY is inherited. like father like daughter.
dad : stop arguing something like that with me. i never lazy. i work 24/7 to get money for u to spend on your clothes your car even your bags. and most of all i need to keep some for your university.
me : hm, i try to spend less.
dad : yes. spend less mean helping me a lot of favour.
me : HEY STOP SAYING ME LIKE THAT. well i'm a girl and i grown up. i need clothes.
dad : u've sooo many clothes in your closet u bought and u never wear it.
me : well it's not the right time.
dad : if now is not the right time, when is the right time?
me : see first, if i've the time to sort out all the clothes.
dad : don't buy too much. buying = money gone.
me : OKAY. STOP ASKING ME quit shopping.
dad : well, anyhow u never grow in my eyes. u still my daughter and i need to care.
me : . . . .
dad : i give u everything that i could. other may living in a big house driving big cars but i'm happy in living in a small house where i can see u'll talking and laughing rather than just a big house, everyone hiding in their own room and do their own stuff that not i want.
me : * ..... *
dad : *lecturing time* well i want a home not a house. home is made of love while house is made of brick. when u all finds a job and creating new family, left only 2 old citizen staying in a house. and for sure u never wanna stay with us anymore. i just want a simple life. low profile.
me : dad please. i'm not 17+ not even 18 and u starting to mumble something sooo far away.
dad : plan for the future. i've so many things in my brain and u expect me to remember everything? plan for your future too. it's time.
me : well i'd planned.
dad : say about your future then, see what can i help u.
me : u can't help me anything. u just need to pay for my fees in university that's more than enough and give me sufficient allowance and i be super happy.
dad : well allowance to let u shop till u drop?
me : yes. well i won't drop. just maybe leg pain.
dad : i've all in my mind. so don't worry. now u need is to study.
me : study BORING. whatever. i'll try.
dad : yes that's the spirit. i won't force u to do something u don't like. i just want you to get a good job and don't hold on to someone to help u. be independent.
* phone ringing *
me : * thank god the phone rings *
dad : well i need to go outstation now. so take care of the home, lock the doors, close the windows, take care of your own lunch and dinner. i'll be back soon. and don't talk to stranger.
me : i'm not 5 years old kid anymore and i know how to differentiate stranger and friends. * = =" *
dad : anything. * rush rush rush * bye jie.
me : byeee dee.
* car engine *
* drove away *

sigh.
although i hear the lecturer thingy millions of time.
well.
dad's.

last night.
i dream about i went for disneyland.
well it's a sweet dream.
disneyland.
haha!
i dream i went with bunch of friends.
and we sat for the rollar coster.
and fang yuan said she scare of the game and starting to puke.
hahaha! that's her.
and we even played bungy jump.
wooh !
i wanted to play so bad in real life.
well that's all i cant write about today.

craps.
peace.