heaven & hell.

well suppose a guy.
2 types of guys.
a rich guy and a middle class guy.

when a guy is at his down..
he wanted to reach to the top..
and he work hard.
at that time, he won't be having much time accompany you.
all he will be busy with his work and stuff.
but then..

when he reached to the top..
you won't be even seeing him frequently.
he won't be accompany you celebrating your birthday.
he might not have dinner, lunch and breakfast with you..
or maybe he won't even attend on special day..

when he's poor, he hope he will be rich one day.
hope he would buy you a lot of thing.
from head to toes.
branded bags..
from Aigner.. Burberry.. LV to even Zegna.
from A-Z..
give you a better life.. better hope..

to have something awesome you have to sacrifice something..
his time with you..
his time will be given to work, office..
outstation..
you might be seeing him once a week or once a month..
so he could give u a better lifestyle..

dad is a very good example..
when i'm still a young girl..
dad always bring us to shopping mall on saturday and sunday after breakfast or dinner.
to window shopping.
even bring us to the park to jog and play with us..
and even play badminton with us..
that time.. he's still a poor man.
with not much money..
can't get me what i want it now..

still he spend most of the time watching movie at home with us..
walk at the park..
have breakfast with us every morning..
even send me to and from tuition class...

we don't have a proper car..
we don't sit BMW..
we don't eat at Cherating Steak house..
we don't go travel..
and my mom said every end of the month their bank left only RM 30..
i don't understand and i don't know how they feel at such a young age..
until now, i still never can feel how my dad and mom suffered..

one whole family share a computer..
and i still remember the computer is super cheap..
and somebody gave us their olds..
everything in our life is free..
using other's old stuff..

everyone looking down at us..
but i tell myself when my dad got rich, they will see how have we became..
from a poor man to a rich guy..
always said my dad from a 2nd hand old proton and jump to sit his first BMW..
and got me a BRAND new car..

sacrificed.
time.
dad never bring us to the mall anymore..
we don't go to the park anymore..
we don't play badminton anymore..
and most of all we don't watch movie together anymore..

i see my dad 1 hour or 2 hours a day..
and we don't talk much..
all i asked him is money..
because i don't have money to use anymore xDDD
well all he asked me is whether i had my dinner or taken my bath..
he became more stressful..
easily angry..
less chatting with him..
we don't jokes..
we don't laugh..
well we all do our own stuff everyday..
and we don't eat breakfast together anymore..

even on sunday he has to work or outstation..
and mom have to go Tzu Chi to help out..
while sister just stick herself with computer...
while I shopping at the mall..
we even skipped breakfast..
a normal birthday present is never a perfect handmade card..
a father present is never a hug..
all is material stuff..
belt, bags?

i opened up my dad drawer and saw the card i made when i was kindergarden..
made me feel so sad..
he still kept the card i draw..
a very ugly drawing.. with horrible writing..
HAPPY FATHER'S DAY.
I LOVE YOU.
<3 with a heart coloured with red pencil colour..
glitter scattered..
and a pencil box i sew for him !

2012.
i'm already 20 years old..
soon later on, i will be going university..
i might not be at home frequently..
won't be listening to mom's nagging soon..
or maybe dad talking on d phone..

suddenly i don't feel like growing up anymore..
i don't want to leave my house my home and my family..
can't drink any barley water my mom cooked..
or even hearing my dad say : when u want to wash your car?
or shouting : jie go fetch your mei.

feel like life's too short.
dad and mom growing older day by day..
they just dye their grey hair black..
i realized their grey hair getting more and more..
times is getting shorter and shorter..

people really should stop watching movie on computer..
stop watching korean movie..
korean star..
or even looking at bags online ( like me )
spend some times with your loved ones.
family..

made me think whether i still want a guy that accompany me..
or let me have a good life..
i'm just can't made my decision.

live your life !