my dream never come true after all

i'm at australia.
people was great
nice place.
nice weather but damn freaking cold at night.
conclusion : nice.

but was having fun.
sad news.
desvastated.
i can't hold on my tears anymore.
it flows out.
i can't accept anything.
i really can't.
it's like happen in a sudden.

until now i still can't accept it partially.
i just need time.
after it happen, i just wish i would back kuantan like right now.
but can't.
parents won't allow me to do that.
i'm really devastated.
heart broken.

something will change
a very big change
it would be different without him.
i'm all alone.
but i've to face it.
it's the truth.
truth that will never change
will hold to it until i go for university.

my life will be different.
360 degree changes.
i wish i didn't appear.
or he didn't appear.
but still i want him to appear in my life.

i can't continue.
craps.
peace.

long time.

it has been a long time till now.

i'm going soon.

i just miss the one.

end of 2010 school year.

awaiting for 2011 school year.

during the holiday, lots of homework.

i just wanna skip everything and just enjoy my life for now.

i just cannot cope with busy life of form six.

but somehow i've to go through it.

3 more days.

my day in malaysia gonna end soon.

and start a new one and a half month life at australia.

i hope it will go on perfectly.

but somehow i've to bring chemistry and biology there.

damn !

holiday still need to study.

luggage overweight.

i've to start packing.

get everything ready for everything.

and get my plant ready.

sewing.

uhu.

have to get it done soon.

craps.

peace.

the end.

it's finally over.

exam is over.

even MUET is over.

finally, a good rest.

and my perfect holiday.

i hope it turn out perfect.

yiiks, my lips hurts.

i can't eat any spicy stuff nor cold stuff.

i hope it get better after the few days.

other thing is i got my marc jacob necklace (:

yayy love love love it.

it's like my birthday present.

(:

finally a very very cute necklace.

my birthday is coming soon.

well, won't be in kuantan for like month and a half.

i won't be missing kuantan this place.

but will be missing people and friends and family.

BUT somehow i would like to have fun at Australia.

it's summer baby!

tanned skin, shining sun, bikini bods, the crowded sea.

the shopping is what i concern the most.

(:

everything is about shopping.

shopping shopping shopping.

but still i've to learn VOLLEYBALL there.

damn but.. somehow it good to know one more sport.

exercise is useless right now.

well, i don't have a bikini bod.

well, i don't need one.

haven't start preparing.

before going, i've to go tuition for everyday.

do lots of thing.

leave some school works, papers, documents for my friend in case school needs it.

lots lots lots of thing.

it's a very busy week for me.

after this holiday, come back kuantan.

end of fun.

concentrate on studies.

try my best in exam.

yiiks, almost forget.

when school reopen, chemistry test awaiting.

biology - DATIN GENGA.

chemistry - LEE MENG SEE.

omg, the important science subject is getting more and more 'exciting'.

craps.

peace.

very random

a very random post.

firstly, school.

well, bored.

tomorrow having MUET exam.

didn't really revise.

somehow just pray hard.

i fetch dad out to the bank.

while on the way back

dad asked me something.

he asked : how's your result?

me : ok lurh.

he : how ok?

me : ok larh.

he : biology get how much?

me : B lurh.

he : B only?! i thought your biology good, no need to worry much.

me : form 5 and form 6 very different. form 6 very difficult.

he : so u know what u gonna do right?

me : i know.

he : later u come back from Australia stop playing and start to concentrate on your studies.

me : ok.

he : pengajian am lerh?

me : ok lurh. B

he : B only?

me : u go and exam larh.

he : speechless. physics lerh?

me : i didn't take physics!

he : then chemistry?

me : ok larh.

*i quickly change topic*

well, mom and dad are the same.

always ask about result.

nothing else.

gosh.

well, maybe they are right.

stop playing and concentrate.

suffer a year and will get a better future in d future.

that's the only thing i can do.

if not, really difficult to go into university.

i don't wanna just waste my 2 years doing nothing.

and ended up being nobody.

well, will try my best to cope up and try my very best.

(:

craps.

peace.

random.

today is a school day.

well school day.

as usual BORING.

we didn't our research whole day.

those students were tooo 'smart' to study in smart.

they even look at me for d answer.

well, it's very funny.

today i'd a conversation with my sister.

she said : jie, come here for awhile.. wanna ask u something.

*walked near*

she : come again near.

me : what u wanna ask me?

she : something lurh.

me : what is the something?

she : guys like to see porn ah?

me : *shocked* emm ask your dad.

she : don't want laaa. very paiseh.

me : u ask me i also very paiseh de lerh.

she : u woman marh.

me : lol sorry i'm not woman, i'm still a girl haven't 18 years old.

she : quickly tell me la.

me : ask guys laa i'm a boy can't answer u.

she : u ask your friends.

me : lol u want me to ask my friend whether guys see porn because my sister wanted to know?

she : ya lar.

me : see first arh.

she : don't see first.

me : why so desperate wanna know whether guys see porn lerh?

she : because curious lurh.

me : oh. ask mummy.

she : don't want.

me : ask teacher. teacher knows everything.

she : but teacher don't know porn.

me : know de. u go ask then she/he will tell u everything about porn.

she : siens la talk to u.

me : then don't talk. i wanna sleep.

she : always sleep sleep sleep. like pig.

me : me no need exam like u marh sure sleep la. nothing else i can do.

she : why your school like that de?

me : like what?

she : student no need study.

me : SMART marh, all d student smart no need study. smart in gaming enough.

*she annoyed*

lol.

lol.

peace.

craps.

think too much.

i hope that i think too much for once.

but it doesn't suit like that.

i'm just being over thinking most of the time.

i'm in a place where i don't belong too.

i'm at a situation where i'm being transparent.

when i'm at a place that where i don't belong too

i don't feel myself.

i never feel myself.

i don't feel myself everywhere.

only the one place i can feel myself is when i'm with the one.

but after that, i don't feel myself anymore.

i don't feel safe anywhere anytime.

it's like one day, i'll drown into a black hole.

and blow me away.

people don't get it.

but it's not their problem after all.

i don't blame anyone for this.

i just wanna be my ownself.

pretended and hiding the truth is not i really planned to do.

but somehow, somewhere i need to do it.

to cover my sadness inside.

u'll never know i cried behind my mask.

i just want a simple life.

normal family

normal friends.

normal school.

normal life.

normal thinking.

i used to be the kid that no one cared about

that's why i've to keep screaming till they hear me out.

i don't wanna end my life just like that.

i'm trying.

at least..

let me try it out.

i guess there's no second chance.

i know i can survive someday.

in this complicated world.

through this complication.

and burst it out

pass through the tunnel of hell.

my afterlife.

hold on tight.

i know i can.

don't drown.

live my life.

will try to forget everything

and stop thinking too much about something i don't really need to.

just ignore the world outside.

and be just who am i.

i am who i am.

take it or leave it.

craps.

peace.

bliss.

well, i'm bliss for past few days.

bliss = happy = excited = overwhelming = over the top = weeeee !

i don't know why i'm sooo happy.

just felt happy for no reason.

maybe i'm having a very good mood.

due to holiday.

happy

happy

happy

happy

happy

happy

happy

happy

bliss

bliss

bliss

bliss

bliss

bliss

bliss

bliss

bliss

bliss

gay

gay

gay

gay

gay

gay

gay

gay

gay

gay

gay

gay

gay

gay

urgh dad changed my number from maxis to celcom.

well, blackberry service for celcom is cheaper.

damn him.

but i've 2 numbers.

forget about it xDD

i'm still happy.

conclusion : i'm happy.

i'm mad.

so, ignore me.

craps.

peace.

YAY

YAY

today and tomorrow will the best day of my life !

(((((:

why parents wanna threaten their children to do something they don't like?

just let them be.

don't involved them in something they don't like.

or maybe something they don't get it.

and u get angry for nothing?

i don't know what to say to them

everyone can blame parents

but the only thing is children cannot blame parents.

it sucks.

craps

peace

路途

我的路途还有很远

我会慢慢地走

事情已经是历史了

我也不管那么多了

那些琐碎的事对我来说

不重要

妈妈说的对

这个世界有各种各样的人

你也改变不了

你觉得你说的对

就是对的

现在我期待我的假期

假期的来临

我真的很开心

大开眼界

(((:

Thanks people that helped me.

craps.

peace.

变化

这是我第1次写blog用华语

我觉得用华语才可以表达我想说的

变化

我是不是变了？

这个问题可能是我想太多

但是问题根本没有解决

仍然还存在

性格，动作，想法

都慢慢的改变

人是应该长大了

不是那小时候，幼稚的想法

做任何事都要想清清楚楚才可以下动作

我平时没什么意见

就人家说一就一，二就二

只是投诉多了

我也没什么参别人

就有时候谈个天而已

我自卑

但是我很清楚如何控制我的自卑感

我不想影响到别人

人有他的理想与梦想

我知道我追不上

就只好慢慢地跟在后面

人也有情绪的时候

难道你可以发脾气，我就不可以吗？

我很尽力地把以前的仇恨抛开了

慢慢地接受别人的不同

开始新的生活

我说话很直接

不会拐弯抹角

因为我把一件事收了很久才会有勇敢的说出口

我不想把一件事搞的很复杂

想简简单单地，明明白白地讲

我知道有时候我收不到别人在说什么

或者慢半拍

我也不想的

所以我也很少说话

大家都以为很多东西，我喜欢或不喜欢

大家都没有问

就当着我不喜欢

我很随和的，你要我帮你，我就帮你

我不介意

大家都是同学

难道要分开说话吗？

就当着我们都是朋友

有话就说，有天就谈

就回到以前那样就好，只是多了一个人

很难吗？

我不是说什么，但是大家都这样，我真的不懂要说什么了

我有前科

我知道那种感觉很难受

不管我说了什么

没有人会明白

解释了，等于没解释

道歉了

要说都说了

要讲都讲了

你要怎样就怎样

我是真的没有那样的说

我也没有帮谁说话

明白我的人就明白

不明白再解释我也没有话好说的

人有他的权力

我也没话好说

我不介意人家问我关于考试分数

我也不介意我很差

我只介意人家炫耀他的有多好

不顾别人的感受

我最多伤心了一下子，第二天我就忘记了

我的记忆很差

我很难说出口

我想说，但是还是不说好了

我...还是静静地...

收起来...

craps

peace